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  • Brian Keller

There are no Kiosks in Bagels. There is no such thing as a bagelry

Getting a freaking bagel should be fun, not an exercise in more mindless technology. It's a bagel. Order it. Walk out onto 7th Avenue, take it out of the perfect brown bag, and eat it on the train. That's all there is.

I like Essa Bagel - I usually go to the store near Penn Station (NYC). I go in and ask for bagels; they hand me bagels - the best in the world. So, I went into a place in Baltimore - Towson Hot Bagel. I couldn't ask for a bagel and have someone hand me a bagel. - I had to use a computer kiosk to order bagels, then I waited in line behind people ordering victuals that would handle a small cargo ship. Although people stand behind the bagel counter, they won't let you order a bagel or hand you a bagel; although it's a bagel store, they're standing next to and behind bagels. My guess is there are a few million people around Essa Bagel. Everyone gets handed a bagel from them behind the bagel counter, where they stand behind millions of bagels. The lines move well—one line for bagels and one for other foods. I guess there are some hipsters near this THB place, but no one has to catch a train, just Instagram influencers in pajamas. You can't get handed a bagel from someone behind the bagel counter - probably the algorithm, and this is why the world is failing; people can't figure out that if you're behind a bagel counter, give someone a damn bagel or dozen. Bollocks to Towson Hot Bagel - couldn't order on the phone either, online-only, and their people are boobs. Who needs to order a bagel online from a place that calls itself a bagelry. What is a bagelry? Where do you find this word bagelry, morons?

Essa Bagel has no kiosks. They have real service and real bagels. They are hot too. Essa Bagel knows; there are no kiosks in bagels. Essa Bagel, long may you run. Sod off Towson Hot Bagel.

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